Maggots!!

Maggotfest 2005

For the past 29 years, the Missoula Maggots have put on a late-spring tournament. It's become famous worldwide. If you've never been, words do not do it justice. Players are encouraged to dress up in costume. There is no "winner" of the tournament. Two trophies are given out, one for best play on the pitch, and one for the most honored side. The emphasis is on the fun of rugby, and the beer is free all weekend.

Cars arrived in shifts on Friday night. We never did find those silly rookies, who ended up trying to sleep in the car on the pitch. That'll teach 'em to turn off their cell phones. The Friday night party was at Hammer Jacks, which is supposedly some kind of sports bar you can't smoke in. Wall to wall ruggers made getting a beer a bit of a chore. Some people hooked up. You know who you are. Sluts. We forgot we were actually playing rugby our first game against the Menagerie, who travelled all the way from Minnesota. They were beating our asses into a pulp. Then we woke up, and they only scored 1 try after that. Our second half play, while not brilliant, was a huge turnaround and fairly impressive.

The second game against Oregon's Dirty Ducks was more fun. We found out our very own rookie prop Lee is a locomotive bulldozer when she carries the ball. She would have scored, but a confusing green line on the pitch lulled her into thinking she was in goal. The ball was grounded, both teams stood about, until the ref said, "Uh, it's not a try." Ren grabbed the ball, advanced it two more meters without opposition and scored the most unworked-for try of the tournament. Lee's carries set up many good runs at goal. Little Potter out on the wing off of a lovely overload set up ran it in as fast as her legs would carry her for a well-earned score. Susan's spidey hands were in use many times, and she scored twice by confusing the shit out of the Ducks with dummies and sidesteps. She would have had a hat trick, but generously dished off the ball to Joanna, who scored her first try in many moons. Another big rookie, Deuce, showed how a lock can do it by dragging about 10 opposing players with her over the try line. And a big ol' hooray for our Boise whores, Lisa and Stephanie. Lisa filled in at scrumhalf, which is a new position for her and did an awesome job. Stephanie got to hook the second half, but to her dismay, the scrums were uncontested. She also got to play winger for a half, and learned why she likes to be a forward.

After our 2 games, it was sit and watch the other fine rugby matches while drinking FREE beer (did we mention the beer was free?). Then back to the hotels for showers and costume changes. Since our own Christine is getting married soon, we decided to go as a bride and her bridesmaids. The actual party is a lesson in space management, and why you need 750 beer taps for 750 people. We stayed for a bit, but we couldn't get to the beer without an hour wait. In spite of the beer shortage, people were flinging it about everywhere. Sarah was in serious jeapordy with her cast, so we went back to Hammer Jack's. It was uncrowded and we didn't mind paying for beer, as long as it didn't take an hour to get. After a few pitchers we warmed up and enjoyed ourselves. Everyone that wasn't on the team thought Ren was a guy in drag, and nasty drag at that. She got lectured for using the women's room, and a guy wearing a Spongebob costume thanked her for taking some of the attention away from him. Ren will not wear a dress again. While we had fun there, the bouncers were fuckers at closing time and threw everyone out within about 30 seconds after the ugly lights came up.

Sunday we were to play the ladies of Medcine Hat. That's a long drive from Canada. Saturday night we had decided to play in our dresses, so warmups were comical. We found all the whores for our game, as both our sides were short. We lost the game by 2 tries, but ye gods, what wonderful play. No one had their dress torn off during the game (some had it torn off the night before, but that's different), and the whores were from everywhere. Washington, North Dakota, Aus-fucking-stralia, you name it. It was a great ending to a great weekend. Except that part where Lisa dislocated her shoulder. That sucked.

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