rugger hugger hangout
Well huggers, I hope you've been honing those skills we learned in our last lesson. If this is your first visit to the hangout, or you've forgotten our previous lesson because of too much beer, the link to the old page is hidden in one of the animations on this page.
So you've been behaving like the perfect Hugger with our tips on behavior and party etiquette. And thanks to our help, you've become your RFC's #1 fan. This is wonderful, but it brings up the need for intermediate-level skills. In this edition of the Hangout, we'll help you understand Rugbyspeak, plan a rugby cookout, and learn our very own song for the pub.
HOW TO TALK TO A RUGBY PLAYER
Sometimes it seems rugby players are speaking a foreign language. obviously they understand each other, but to the average person it sounds like gibberish. One must remember that at the rugby party, most ruggers are stinking, blind drunk and may believe they are orating Shakespeare soliloquies when in reality they are making noises like a raccoon. That said, here is your guide to understanding Rugbyspeak.
The Scenario
Two ruggers are just entering the pub after a hard day at a tournament. Following behind them, you overhear their conversation.
Player 1: "Somebody gave us bad directions to the pitch. I thought somebody had swiped my kit. When I found it, somebody had tied my boots together and my gob was dirty."
Player 2: "Did I tell you about my try in the second match? I got the give from the scrumhalf, looped the weak side and was hauling ass up the touch line when out of nowhere comes the fullback. So I gave him the Utuhuru Handshake and dove over the try line."
Now let's hear that again in English.
Player 1: "We lost the easy-to-read map to the field, and nobody would stop and ask directions. I forgot my bag at the hotel, but somebody saw it next to the toilet and grabbed it for me. Since I pack like a chimpanzee, my shoelaces were tangled up and my mouthguard was covered in mud and grass from lying at the bottom of my bag with a pair of dirty cleats."
Player 2: "I'm going to brag. The scrumhalf handed me the ball because I drop every pass. I ran the wrong way and nearly went out of bounds. Since I'm fat and slow, the fullback had no problem catching me. I couldn't run away so I punched him in the throat and then fell down because I couldn't run anymore. Luckily, I was in the end zone."
Hopefully, this has helped you to understand what rugby players are really saying.
Think Rugby, Play Rugby, Sleep Rugby...EAT Rugby?
Rugby dining is an elegant if simple affair. The most important thing to remember is that rugby cooking must contain MEAT. While the ladies of rugby show a softer side, some even praciticing vegetarianism, we may go so far as to say that a rugby gent spotted dining on vegetables might be mistaken for a grazing animal and end up on the barbeque. Keeping that in mind, let's take a look at a model menu. This contains several courses and is suitable for tournament feeding.
APERITIF: To whet the appetite. Flavorful domestic beer.
APPETIZER: Something light. Deep-fried Spam cakes drizzled with a fine ketchup should do nicely. Serve with a side of chewy beef jerky. Don't forget beer.
FIRST COURSE: Several whole roasted chickens drenched in Nuclear-Fusion Hot Pepper Sauce. This is the place for a crisp, clean lager.
SECOND COURSE: Moving on into more solid fare, try a dozen slabs of ribs. For variety, serve pork. For that exotic flavor on special occasions, use ribs from those killed earlier on the pitch. Avoid using ribs from the backline, as they lack the meat and flavoring fats of the forwards. Wheel in a keg of hearty brown ale.
MAIN COURSE: One whole cow, preferably dead. Cooking is not necessary if the carcass is still warm. Run a fire hose from the nearest brewery tank.
DESSERT: Surprise your ruggers with bowls of antacid topped with Kool-whip.
DIGESTIF: Be daring. Serve beer.
Sing, sing a song
It's certain that if you've spent anytime at the pub, you've heard those touching rugby ballads. While anyone is welcome to sing, there hasn't really been a song dedicated to the spectators of rugby. That is, until now.
Don't Know Much
Don't know much about scrums and mauls,
Don't know much about passing balls.
After half a game I almost die,
Never managed to score a try.
But I do know that I love beer.
And when I drink it then it is clear
What a wonderful girl I could be.
Don't know much about tackling,
Don't know much about dummying.
If I get the ball I'm sure to miss
'Cause I don't know what a straight line is.
But I do know how to scream and shout
Let no one tell me to shut my mouth
What a wonderful girl I could be.
I know all about dressing up.
Know everything about wearing make-up.
I'm always thinking about my weight
With every rugger I try to date.
I know rugby's my favorite thing.
That's why I drink and cuss and sing
Oh what a wonderful girl I must be.
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Well, that does it for this edition of the Rugger Hugger Hangout. Keep checking back for all new things just for you!